French cheese eating surrender monkey

Going to War Without France Is Like…
…a Texas barbecue without a croissant…
…Marine Boot Camp without your Liza Minelli records…
…the ninth inning without your placekicker…
…firing up your computer without a virus…
…holding a bachelor party without the bride…
…crossing the Sahara without a fishing pole…
…wearing a Speedo without suspenders…
…the Republican Convention without Barbra Streisand…
…going swimming without your anvil…
…going to war without Germany…
…eating a bowl of tomato soup without chopsticks…
…visiting the pyramids without your snowshoes…
…going on your honeymoon without your mother-in-law…
…climbing Mount Everest without your submarine…
…bathing without your toaster oven…
…a “goal line defense” without Richard Simmons at tackle…
…skydiving without an elephant seal…
…a normal war. ’nuff said

When it comes to Islamists the French have a secret weapon. Tubes of Vaseline.

Every French soldier is equipped with a special pocket knife that contains:
1. Black Azimuth Compass
2. W(h)ine Corkscrew
3. Inlaid with a French Flag
4. Hair Comb
5. 3 ¼” Butter Knife
6. Pop-up White Flag

The French army knows that a bayonet is not just a good cheese skewer but can also be used to mount your white flag on.

Q. What wine goes with surrender?
A. White, of course.

Knock knock. Who’s there. I give up!

From the French Magazine Soldier of Surrender

White Flags. New technology that can save your life.
Exercise. 3 new exercises that can help you keep your arms up longer.
Our Biggest Arms Review Ever! See what guns survived our grueling drop test gauntlet.

Dressing for surrender. Yellow stripes are back!